This year I started doing a Christian Counselling Course at Waverley Abbey (see the front cover for a picture of its grounds) and as a result have had to have some personal counselling. My father died when I was two and my mother when I was six and then my sister and I were raised by my aunt and uncle - two completely different environments - the first very loving and affirming - the second more critical and undemonstrative.
Through the counselling I became aware of just what a big impact my father’s death had on me. I had always felt relatively untouched by their deaths but now realise how I came to shut down emotionally and have always kept people at a distance.
This year the Lord has healed me of a lot from my past but at CLAN He went much deeper. The first night Kenny Borthwick spoke about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and being empowered as a result. I began to wonder if I had been “baptised” or just “filled” so the next day started praying for it. On Monday morning as we started to worship I felt the Holy Spirit come upon me and the Lord say “This is your baptism of the Holy Spirit. Your father gave you to me before he died. I have always held you in my arms and have always loved you. I have always been your Father.” Then I felt warmth around my heart and the love of God fill me and wave after wave of His love wash over me. It was a deeply moving experience that has changed me and I now realise how I had been keeping God at a distance too.
I knew in my head that He loves me but now I feel it in my heart. As a worship leader I have sung the songs about love for many years but now I totally get what they are about - the words have so much more meaning and emotional impact.
After being filled with God’s love I felt Him say that I was being empowered to preach healing into His church. I already am a lay preacher (on the Baptist Union list) but my heart goes out to all those who are broken and holding back from receiving what God has for them in Christ through the Holy Spirit. I work as a LighterLife Counsellor, which is secular, but very healing for those with weight problems. I see how our past affects us and how many people turn to food or drink (or other things) as a coping strategy and Christians are not exempt from this. I sense the Lord is calling me to those in the church so they are better placed to reach out to others. I long to see the church become freed from its past to be the expression of God’s love and compassion in this land. But I believe that before we can “go”, first we must “come” to the Lord to receive some measure of healing ourselves on our journey with Him.
Andrea Mill
